It so easy to forget how miserable I was at that stage in my life but at the same time, I still haven't shed many of the tendencies I used to have when I was very overweight. I still walk into a store and get nervous that I won't fit into my size. I still look for black clothes, everything black because I think black will make me look smaller. It's funny how those things never really go away. I spent so many years worrying about my weight and being overweight that I can't get rid of all those old tendencies.
On a positive note, after a horrible weekend (on the eating front) I am back in the zone. Yesterday I had a perfect day (meal plan wise) I got in all my meals, ate healthy and just generally felt like I was back in control again! I felt horrible on Monday (which was a holiday) I 
felt like I had gained 5 lbs (I still haven't braved the scale) and I just generally felt gross....of course I consoled myself with FOOD! (Yet another old tendency) I ate and ate...not because I was hungry...but because Tuesday, I was getting back on the wagon, so I had to get in all the grease and sugar I could before I got back on that wagon. Why do we do that? I really didn't need all the junk I ate but I ate it because it felt like I wouldn't have it again for a very long time, so I was able to justify the HORRIBLE eating. Of course by the end of the day I felt like I was back up over 200lbs and getting up off of the couch was even a difficult chore! But I did it, I accepted it and now I am MOVING ON!!!! I am 100% back in the zone and nothing is throwing me off this time. I can do this...right? I can stay on the plan and not be tempted by sugar and chocolate and pizza! I have about 11 lbs to go and I'm not giving up untuil I get there. I've come this far, I can't give up now!
felt like I had gained 5 lbs (I still haven't braved the scale) and I just generally felt gross....of course I consoled myself with FOOD! (Yet another old tendency) I ate and ate...not because I was hungry...but because Tuesday, I was getting back on the wagon, so I had to get in all the grease and sugar I could before I got back on that wagon. Why do we do that? I really didn't need all the junk I ate but I ate it because it felt like I wouldn't have it again for a very long time, so I was able to justify the HORRIBLE eating. Of course by the end of the day I felt like I was back up over 200lbs and getting up off of the couch was even a difficult chore! But I did it, I accepted it and now I am MOVING ON!!!! I am 100% back in the zone and nothing is throwing me off this time. I can do this...right? I can stay on the plan and not be tempted by sugar and chocolate and pizza! I have about 11 lbs to go and I'm not giving up untuil I get there. I've come this far, I can't give up now!How is everyone's week going??
You CAN do this. Way to go for letting it go and moving on. We all have binge days, and yes, they're a setback - but in sum we're stronger than them. You've been doing SO well and you HAVE to keep it up, my dear!
ReplyDeleteYou can do it!!! It's all a learning process and you only grow stronger to know that you are making the right choices. Great job, girl!
ReplyDeletemeant to comment the other day - your before/after pictures are amazing... you look awesome! :o)
ReplyDeleteand i think we all carry certain tendencies, regardless of how much we weight, because they are so ingrained in us... i always look for black clothes first, to this day, and probably always will... and when things actually 'fit' me, i think they are too tight... weird...
I do that sometimes because I think I miss the food, so much so I should gorge myself with as much bad stuff before I go back on track. Then after I do it I realize that a lot of those food I don't enjoy anymore. Now I didn't say all of them. Hahaha. My probably is I like cake/breads like pumpkin bread, zuccini bread, banana nut bread, brownies, and mexican food. Those guys are my worst enemy. The chips and proccessed crap I can do without.
ReplyDeleteBut it was only a few days, and since you are back on track I bet you hardly did any damage at all. Enjoy those little splurges like I like to call them every once in a while, just don't get too carried away which it sounds like you didn't. :)
Keep it up Carolyn, you're doing great.
ReplyDeleteSE
I've done the "last suppers" too. it's like we think we're going to miss out on something, but we can work things INTO our plan. We have to reprogram our minds sometimes...
ReplyDeleteand i STILL have a hard time shopping, much like you do...I think I'll always be baffled by the smalls and size 5s. But don't sweat it - you're doing great!