Friday, October 5, 2007

The impact of the scale.

I wake up this morning and instantly I feel a little glint of anticipation. What am I excited for? Weigh In ladies. Weigh in. You heard me, I'm actually excited for my weigh in this morning. I have stayed within my points all week and so far this week I have gotten in 3 really intense cardio workouts. I've pushed myself on the elliptical until I thought my legs might actually fall off. I haven't gone over my points at all and I'm feeling good. No, not good. Fantastic. My wedding ring feels a little looser and my clothes are feeling good. I even noticed that I start to see more room in my dress pants and over all I just feel great. I walk with my head held high and even an extra little swing in my hips. I know I look good and I feel good. I'm confident and sure of myself and I'm proud. I know I'm going to see a nice loss this morning, I can feel it. I look in the mirror and I feel so proud. I've come such a long way. I can say that I love my body. I don't cringe when I see an odd angle in the mirror or when I'm getting dressed and see a glimpse of myself in the mirror with no clothes on. Sometimes I even strike a pose. I cross my legs confidently at work knowing that I couldn't do that 1 1/2 years ago. I love the fact that my closet is filled with size small and medium tops and the jeans are 10's or 8's. I'm happy in my own skin for the first time in a long time. I love catching my husband checking me out and I know it's because I've worked so hard. I know he's proud of me and that gives me unbelievable motivation. I'm confident. I'm sexy. I'm proud to be me and I love the person I am. I love me.

I'm on top of the world.

10 seconds pass.

I get on the scale with eagerness and sweet anticipation.

Instantly my whole world falls apart. My confidence is broken, I feel nervous and self conscious and ashamed. I forget how hard I worked at the gym all week and I avoid looking in the mirror. I forget that I've counted all my points this week and I forget how great I look in my clothes. I look in the mirror and see my imperfections. I see arms that are not toned like they should be, I see my big thighs. I see all my problem areas. Somehow my size 10 pants look enormous and I'm instantly upset that I'm not wearing an 8 by now. My size medium shirt feels tight. I start to dread the shopping trip with my husband that I had been looking forward to all week. I don't want to try on clothes. None of them will fit. I will look awful in everything I try on. I suddenly remember the guy who checked me out yesterday at the store and I start to think that maybe he was only looking at me because my jeans were too tight or my stomach was visible due to my shirt riding up under my jacket. I throw my hands up and wonder why the universe is against me losing these last pounds. I'm utterly disgusted with myself. I've failed. I would be so happy if only I could lose these last 10 lbs. My world would be perfect. I would be confident and sexy and happy. I could finally be me.

Wait.

What just happened?

I take a few minutes to really put things into perspective.

In a matter of minutes I turned from a proud, confident, sexy woman into a disgusting overweight mess. My body has not changed at all in the last 10 seconds but somehow my whole perspective has been altered. I'm still me. I'm still the same person I was when I woke up this morning. I'm still that confident, sexy woman who is sure of herself and feels like she can take on the world. Except my thoughts have been clouded by doubt and insecurity. I'm unsure and frustrated. I slowly start to examine myself in the mirror. I start to realize that I am still the beautiful woman I was when I woke up this morning. I'm still confident and sexy and proud to be me. My judgement was only temporarily clouded. I can do this. It might not be today or next week but why am I waiting to lose 10 lbs before I can really start living my life? Why aren't I accepting myself as the beautiful woman that I am?

Take a minute today to stop and appreciate your own beauty. Don't wait to be happy or feel sexy and confident. Do it today. Feel it today. Love the person you are today, not the person you will be 10 lbs from now.

Sorry for the dramatic post ladies but I think I'm coming to a revaluation today. It's been a long time coming.

28 comments:

  1. i could hug you!

    it's like the women i watch at the gym who lift weights like mad women for 10 mins and then flex uncontrollably for the next 2, searching for the definition they think they've just created.

    these things just take time. you've done so much good for yourself and it does show. who cares if the scale doesn't always reflect it (or that woman doesn't have the bulging biceps yet), the rewards always come through in the end and in many different ways.

    we need to appreciate the subtly of it all and give THANKS for the great changes we've made in our lives! :)

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  2. Great post Carolyn!
    Perfect timing for me today. I'm fighting some negativity and this was a great reminder!

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  3. Wow - it's great that you shared that - I think many of us are in the same boat. If I have a gain on the scale, it is a real demotivator and I begin to feel fat again. It makes me think even more about about my weight than I normally do... I guess we just have to fight through it, right?

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  4. OMG that should be published somewhere! Oh wait, it kind of is!

    EVERY person reading this will identify with what you wrote and the ones who can't make the entire circle back to the confidence will benefit from your demonstration of it. Thanks so much for posting this, it's very empowering!

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  5. I've totally been there & had a revelation of my own a couple months back. You're absolutely right - we should love ourselves now and not wait until we lose our desired weight.

    Besides, that idea of waiting until perfection before we can love ourselves just leads to never loving ourselves because we'll never be perfect. (that was a very circular sentence, but I hope it makes sense)

    This is a great post. I hope you remember how fabulous you look and you've regained that confident woman. You're doing great - keep up the good work!

    Thanks for all the support! :o)

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  6. Well I feel like you just read my mind! Every time I have a bad weigh in, these are the EXACT thoughts that go through my head! BUT,I never get to the good ending. I let my crazy self doubt take over and ruin my day and sometimes my weekend. I'll have to remember the positive next time these nasty little thoughts creep into my head. Thanks!

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  7. great post, carolyn... you have written about something we ALL have gone thru (more than once i'm sure)... for me, it never fails that the weeks i think i did good - i gain weight... and the weeks i feel i sucked at tracking/exercise - i lost weight! it never fails... :o)

    you just have to look at the number as just that - a number... it's not a reflection on who you are as a person and once you get past that, it's much easier to move on... :o)

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  8. YES! What Jodi said! It's a number - not at all a reflection of you as a person! And remember, the scale has hardly budged for me at all, yet I'm in the black skinny pants. Your hard work IS NOT going unnoticed even if the scale thinks otherwise. *hug*

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  9. You are amazing.

    SE

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  10. You just hit the nail on the head. My BF just asked me last night " don't you think its time you just start liking yourself for who you are". Thanks for the great post, its what we've all thought from one time or another. Have a great holiday.

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  11. THANK you for reminding us all to concentrate and focus on how we feel instead of this darn number we see on the scale.

    We do need to remember what we are doing, not if we are almost "there", let's remember where we came from and wait till the end to be proud of ourselves.

    MANY thanks :)

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  12. Great post! I have been really trying to accomplish this mind set. I am not defined by a number on my scale. It sounds so cliche, but it's a hard concept to master--I think. Anyway, thanks for expressing it so well. You're not alone! :)

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  13. Haha. I 100% hear where you are coming from. Friday is my weigh in day. I was feeling really confident as I made my way down to the scale. I picked out an awesome T-shirt I got in Vegas that is actually somewhat form-fitting instead of an X-Large and then I stepped on the scale and was sure I could never wear that T-shirt. Thanks for helping me get a little perspective =)

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  14. what a great post! remember how proud you are of this body in a few years when you have added pregnancy stretch marks and saggy nursing boobs to the mix.

    It's hard to feel confident in the skin I am in. But good or bad this is my body. It has birthed (epidural free, thank you) 6 healthy babies. I doesn't look the same as it did 15 years ago, but it is what I have made. And right now I am pretty proud of it!

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  15. what a great post! very insightfull---and i 100% relate to every word. it's amazing how quickly self-esteem can change...i need to work on this too. thanks!

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  16. WOW! What an awesome post...you have a way with words. Everything you wrote I could have said. And you are totally right...we need to love the woman we are right now! Thanks so much for posting that...you are an inspiration!

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  17. wow...I'm so thankful I found you in blogger land. Thanks for that!

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  18. this post spoke to me in a way that almost no other has.....thank you

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  19. This post so hits home with me and so many others I am sure. My emotions concerning my weight and my appearance are like a roller coaster. I have to remind myself to be proud of the progress I have made. Good luck on losing the last 10 pounds and with your revelation you will do it!

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  20. O my heavens.. look at all the people you helped in this blog. CJ..I am so proud of you.. it hurts! You are truly an phenomenal woman...and you have a way with words that chills me! I love you to the end of the stick of the deal!! I love the saying that you had on your blog .. if you think you can or can't, you're right!! It's all in your pretty head!! I love you, dear

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  21. Great post Carolyn, I know exactly how you feel.

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  22. Oh Carolyn..... This happens to me regularly... Your post PERFECTLY captures the stupid game we play wherein we allow the number to dictate our attitude. Thanks for writing this.

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  23. It's scary the power the scale has over us!

    I knew I didn't want to see what was in store for me the last couple weeks so I've stayed far far away from the evil scale!

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  24. OMG I feel that way alot am glad am not the only one!

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  25. Oh man that is me so many times. That was an amazing post!

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  26. Marshmallow has posted a part of your post and I just thought WOW - you've just crystallised my thoughts and emotions over the past 35 years! Thanks

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  27. That really is an awesome post. I'll have to print it out and take it to my mom and sister. It's one of those to post on the fridge or by the scale or mirror to remind yourself of who you are. We might want to lose weight, but if we can't love ourselves during the process, how can we expect to love ourselves in the end.

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  28. This is one of the best posts i've read in a while ;) You hit the nail on the head!

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