I wake up this morning and instantly I feel a little glint of anticipation. What am I excited for? Weigh In ladies. Weigh in. You heard me, I'm actually excited for my weigh in this morning. I have stayed within my points all week and so far this week I have gotten in 3 really intense cardio workouts. I've pushed myself on the elliptical until I thought my legs might actually fall off. I haven't gone over my points at all and I'm feeling good. No, not good. Fantastic. My wedding ring feels a little looser and my clothes are feeling good. I even noticed that I start to see more room in my dress pants and over all I just feel great. I walk with my head held high and even an extra little swing in my hips. I know I look good and I feel good. I'm confident and sure of myself and I'm proud. I know I'm going to see a nice loss this morning, I can feel it. I look in the mirror and I feel so proud. I've come such a long way. I can say that I love my body. I don't cringe when I see an odd angle in the mirror or when I'm getting dressed and see a glimpse of myself in the mirror with no clothes on. Sometimes I even strike a pose. I cross my legs confidently at work knowing that I couldn't do that 1 1/2 years ago. I love the fact that my closet is filled with size small and medium tops and the jeans are 10's or 8's. I'm happy in my own skin for the first time in a long time. I love catching my husband checking me out and I know it's because I've worked so hard. I know he's proud of me and that gives me unbelievable motivation. I'm confident. I'm sexy. I'm proud to be me and I love the person I am. I love me.
I'm on top of the world.
10 seconds pass.
I get on the scale with eagerness and sweet anticipation.
Instantly my whole world falls apart. My confidence is broken, I feel nervous and self conscious and ashamed. I forget how hard I worked at the gym all week and I avoid looking in the mirror. I forget that I've counted all my points this week and I forget how great I look in my clothes. I look in the mirror and see my imperfections. I see arms that are not toned like they should be, I see my big thighs. I see all my problem areas. Somehow my size 10 pants look enormous and I'm instantly upset that I'm not wearing an 8 by now. My size medium shirt feels tight. I start to dread the shopping trip with my husband that I had been looking forward to all week. I don't want to try on clothes. None of them will fit. I will look awful in everything I try on. I suddenly remember the guy who checked me out yesterday at the store and I start to think that maybe he was only looking at me because my jeans were too tight or my stomach was visible due to my shirt riding up under my jacket. I throw my hands up and wonder why the universe is against me losing these last pounds. I'm utterly disgusted with myself. I've failed. I would be so happy if only I could lose these last 10 lbs. My world would be perfect. I would be confident and sexy and happy. I could finally be me.
What just happened?
I take a few minutes to really put things into perspective.
In a matter of minutes I turned from a proud, confident, sexy woman into a disgusting overweight mess. My body has not changed at all in the last 10 seconds but somehow my whole perspective has been altered. I'm still me. I'm still the same person I was when I woke up this morning. I'm still that confident, sexy woman who is sure of herself and feels like she can take on the world. Except my thoughts have been clouded by doubt and insecurity. I'm unsure and frustrated. I slowly start to examine myself in the mirror. I start to realize that I am still the beautiful woman I was when I woke up this morning. I'm still confident and sexy and proud to be me. My judgement was only temporarily clouded. I can do this. It might not be today or next week but why am I waiting to lose 10 lbs before I can really start living my life? Why aren't I accepting myself as the beautiful woman that I am?
Take a minute today to stop and appreciate your own beauty. Don't wait to be happy or feel sexy and confident. Do it today. Feel it today. Love the person you are today, not the person you will be 10 lbs from now.
Sorry for the dramatic post ladies but I think I'm coming to a revaluation today. It's been a long time coming.